


Never enough

by snowbaek



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Bed Thoughts, F/M, Fluff, Morning, a fangirls love, love that hurts, sleepy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-22
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-07-15 17:18:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16067714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowbaek/pseuds/snowbaek
Summary: You'd like to be with your favourite idol right? But do you really?Jongin's girlfriend thinks she's not good enough to be with him.





	Never enough

When I wake up it feels like I’ve never slept more peacefully than last night. 

Slowly the sleep releases me from its grip even though I try to hold onto it. It´s still peaceful lying in bed, only hearing the sound of a calm heartbeat. Although I’m still not fully awake I move closer and place my head carefully on his chest. I don’t want to wake him up, after this stressful week he deserves to sleep in. I can feel his heart beating - bum – bum – bum – almost steady enough to pull me back to sleep. 

Until I feel a sharp pain in my heart every time I hear his beat. Instinctively I try to pull my arms around my chest to ease the pain, but this time I can’t. Jongin’s arm lays tightly on my waist and we are so close that I can barely move. The pain doesn’t stop. I should be used to it by now, after all these weeks and especially the last few ones where the ache has worsened.  
It's not Jongin’s fault. It’s not his fault that he fell in love with me and it’s not mine that I fell for him. It’s just that his presence hurts sometimes.  
Looking up I see his chin and when I try to move a little bit further from him, he lets me. Now I can see his face properly. The sharp lines of his jaw and the soft ones of his nose and cheeks. He is so beautiful. Not only his outer appearance is but also his inside. And this is where the problem is. The realization has hit me as soon as I saw him for the first time and it has lingered in my head ever since. It shouldn’t have been so surprising actually. 

Jongin is simply to good for me. In every aspect that there is. And I’m not enough. 

He should be in love with a model, an actress or an idol. Someone who is as talented as he is. However, I’m not sure that someone like this exists. Alone the fact that he is a celebrity would have been enough. He can sing, he can act, he can dance. And how he dances. Every move he does, every step he takes it makes my heart break more and more. Some things are too beautiful to exist. Jongin is kind, he is caring, he is supportive, he is brave, he is funny, he is cute. He is cool and he is sexy. He takes your breath away. Millions would die to be in the position I am. Millions are worthier than I am to be in this position. I’m funny. Sometimes. And quite intelligent but not more than others. And that's pretty much it. No special talent, no special trait. Except for- 

I love Jongin way to much. Somehow that might be my best and my worst trait. I love him so much that I would give him up so that he can find someone better than me. But I won’t hurt him. It’s physically and mentally impossible for me to harm him so I’ll be there for him as long as he wants me to. I know that this isn’t a healthy relationship. Not for me anyways. Jongin never stops telling me how happy he is to be with me and I am also so incredibly happy with him. There are just these thoughts that I can’t stop. Maybe someday I’ll build up the courage to talk to him about this. I’m positive that he will make me feel better, but for now he should be able to think that everything’s alright.

Which it is. Everything’s alright. The sun has risen and some lonely rays of sunshine appear on Jongin’s skin. I trace one ray on his arm lightly down to his hip. And my heart- my heart is burning again.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading this short story. It's just a topic I think about sometimes and wondered if others do too.


End file.
